I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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