Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I need to stop coming to work sober
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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