I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
