Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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