no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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