Jerry, you need to find god
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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