Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We don't watch enough power rangers
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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