Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
