Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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