I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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