he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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