i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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