He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
