There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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