For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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