It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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