If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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