when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
