well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
