the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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