last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
