Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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