You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize