i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We got so high we made milksteak
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Randomize
