dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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