i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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