Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
