The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
