he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize