so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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