you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
