walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
