Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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