In the future we'll all be gay
I faked an abortion last night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
