summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
