just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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