idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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