Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
