so that wasnt chicken after all
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
