Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
