she was so not down for the gang bang
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
