Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
