Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
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