my sisters under your porch take her home
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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