Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
