Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
