you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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