I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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