i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
