your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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